Sorry that this is the first post I've made in ages!
Today was interesting because there wasn't much going on since it's the second last day of school before hilidays, so most people were either setting up for the big variety show tomorrow, or just not going to school/class.
In Histoire Mondiale first period, 8 of us showed up and Ms asked (in french) if we wanted to do work and look at the next thing we had to do... or go to Tim Hortons, so naturally we went to Tim Hortons! :D It was so much fun!
Art was fun as always and then I had musical theatre and I stayed in the art room haha.
At Lunch myself and Bianca went up to grab lunch from sobeys, brought it back and went to the A/V room to watch Big Bang Theory.
For English, Mrs Carter, Ms. Heneghan's number one choice substitute AND best friend was in for her and I had to pass in an essay... A personal essay. It was about someone who was a key person in your life... I chose dad. She said it was absolutely beautiful and it ended up being just us talking about life the whole period which all stemmed from that essay and how beutiful she thought it was.
I may post that here actually.
Last period, I chilled with Ms. Carter again, but this time Zach, Tristen and Alex joined us. She had more people in her room hanging out with her during her free period than she did when she had a class aha.
So it was quite a good day!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Melvin- School Doodles
I was doodling today in school (like always) and I started making a bunch of doodles of my character, Melvin.
Here they are!
Favorite Expressions
Here is something interesting I stumbled into while doodling... These next two expressions go really well together. This would be the first.
Which turns into this :)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
October 2011
October 2011 has been and will always be known as the hardest month of my life.
You already know, that I have lost my father due to cancer (on the 9th) and I have lost my uncle, also due to cancer exactly one week later (on the 16th). Needless to say, I am still having a tough time wth it, and I always will... However something else happened as well which I have yet to write about.
On Friday, the 28th, Matty Johnson, a student at my school in grade 12, 17 years old same age as me, died. I was friends with him to an extent. in school we wre friends... Especially last year, in drama... He was always a happy, fun kind of persn, and he brightened everyones day, and because of that, pretty much everyone that knew him, liked him... hich brings me to the one thing no one can understand because it is impossible to understand and there just is no answer (so we must stop trying to find one because we won't), it was suicide.
Before anyone asks, as I ave already established, no he was not gay and no he was not bullied or picked on at all. Actually it was quite the opposite: he was loved by all.
There have been councilers available for those who need them... and many, many students and teachers have been deeply effected by this, even one's who didn't know him because chances are they knew of him... so the hurt is school wide. Ms. Moyse, my math teacher loved Matty and se lost a boy for whom she truly cared deeply. She has always been there for me since day 1, she is a strong woman, who wears her heart on her sleeve. She talked to the class today and all, and well I can't go into any farter detail than that...
Ms. Heneghan, my english teacher has also been there for me from day 1, and is always checking on me and I thank god I havepeople like her and Ms. Moyse in my life. I know for a fact that she really does mean it when she says I can go to her if I need ANYTHING... she said the same thing to everyone in class today. One thing she said was that we should go to her, a guidence counciler, anyone (because it's important to open up and talk about whatever we may be feeling) and tell them "I need...". She continued to say "'I need...' Actually just that, just 'I need'. You won't even have to finish it because that in itself is a sentence that speaks greatly and you can then tal to them and they will help you find the eding to it".
Ms Heneghan then gave us a topic about which we will be writing on Thursday which is when e have our next English class. She based the idea on a quote which is "where words fail, music speaks". She continued to say that obviousy he meant music without words, but it applies to those with words as well, so we will e writing about one of our favorite sons and how we relate to the lyrics. It is a great oppurtunity to open up. "This is a PERSONAL reflection. I'm not testing you, there is no 'right' answer. You ca be as open as you want or as closed as you want. These will be read with great respect and understanding", and she continued to say how we were all bave etc. I noticed she kept looking at me who had eyes that were slightly brimmed with tears, we kept making eye contact, especially when she mentioned about how it must be really hard for sme of us because "some of you have already had your own losses other than this and have had them recently".
Ms. Starks, the art teacher and Ms. Gillis, my homeroom teacer have also been therefor me from day 1 the same way. I am so grateful to have amazing people like them.
*************************************************************************************
I will end this by saying R.I.P Matty. You will always be loved and missed by many, rest easy.
You already know, that I have lost my father due to cancer (on the 9th) and I have lost my uncle, also due to cancer exactly one week later (on the 16th). Needless to say, I am still having a tough time wth it, and I always will... However something else happened as well which I have yet to write about.
On Friday, the 28th, Matty Johnson, a student at my school in grade 12, 17 years old same age as me, died. I was friends with him to an extent. in school we wre friends... Especially last year, in drama... He was always a happy, fun kind of persn, and he brightened everyones day, and because of that, pretty much everyone that knew him, liked him... hich brings me to the one thing no one can understand because it is impossible to understand and there just is no answer (so we must stop trying to find one because we won't), it was suicide.
Before anyone asks, as I ave already established, no he was not gay and no he was not bullied or picked on at all. Actually it was quite the opposite: he was loved by all.
There have been councilers available for those who need them... and many, many students and teachers have been deeply effected by this, even one's who didn't know him because chances are they knew of him... so the hurt is school wide. Ms. Moyse, my math teacher loved Matty and se lost a boy for whom she truly cared deeply. She has always been there for me since day 1, she is a strong woman, who wears her heart on her sleeve. She talked to the class today and all, and well I can't go into any farter detail than that...
Ms. Heneghan, my english teacher has also been there for me from day 1, and is always checking on me and I thank god I havepeople like her and Ms. Moyse in my life. I know for a fact that she really does mean it when she says I can go to her if I need ANYTHING... she said the same thing to everyone in class today. One thing she said was that we should go to her, a guidence counciler, anyone (because it's important to open up and talk about whatever we may be feeling) and tell them "I need...". She continued to say "'I need...' Actually just that, just 'I need'. You won't even have to finish it because that in itself is a sentence that speaks greatly and you can then tal to them and they will help you find the eding to it".
Ms Heneghan then gave us a topic about which we will be writing on Thursday which is when e have our next English class. She based the idea on a quote which is "where words fail, music speaks". She continued to say that obviousy he meant music without words, but it applies to those with words as well, so we will e writing about one of our favorite sons and how we relate to the lyrics. It is a great oppurtunity to open up. "This is a PERSONAL reflection. I'm not testing you, there is no 'right' answer. You ca be as open as you want or as closed as you want. These will be read with great respect and understanding", and she continued to say how we were all bave etc. I noticed she kept looking at me who had eyes that were slightly brimmed with tears, we kept making eye contact, especially when she mentioned about how it must be really hard for sme of us because "some of you have already had your own losses other than this and have had them recently".
Ms. Starks, the art teacher and Ms. Gillis, my homeroom teacer have also been therefor me from day 1 the same way. I am so grateful to have amazing people like them.
*************************************************************************************
I will end this by saying R.I.P Matty. You will always be loved and missed by many, rest easy.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Born As An Artist... Born With A Pencil In My Hand
"You are a born artist" and "You are a born cartoonist" are things I have heard a lot and really they are right when they say it is something with which you are born. There is a certain, natural love, pasion and creativity that cannot be learned...
People in the family and their friends all make jokes about how I was practically born with a pencil in my hand and both mom and dad have even said "I don't think I can remember a time when you did't have a pencil in your hand" and "I don't think there ever was one".
When going through old pictures, looking for pictures of dad (there are tons) my mom found this picture, laughed and said once again, "Like I said... I can't remember a time when you didn't hae a pencil in your hand".
I am probably about 2 years old or so, with a pencil in my hand...and yes, that is a drawig book in my lap.
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People in the family and their friends all make jokes about how I was practically born with a pencil in my hand and both mom and dad have even said "I don't think I can remember a time when you did't have a pencil in your hand" and "I don't think there ever was one".
When going through old pictures, looking for pictures of dad (there are tons) my mom found this picture, laughed and said once again, "Like I said... I can't remember a time when you didn't hae a pencil in your hand".
I am probably about 2 years old or so, with a pencil in my hand...and yes, that is a drawig book in my lap.
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If you haven't guessed already, I love nastalgia and nastalgic things... especially about my childhood, and mom and dad always have as well... the next post (or a post in the near future) will shed more light on that.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Bob...
Dad's wake was on wednesday and thursday and the funeral was Friday. I cried so much, it was the most emotional time I have ever experienced and am still experienceing. I bawled my eyes dry and it hasn't even hit me.
A LOT went on inbetween that time but I don't have time to write about any of it...
We had an Irish wake back at the house (in honor of dad) so almost everyone at the funral came over for a few drinks an a bit of a big ol' party. Dad was a huge party person, so it's what he would have wanted.
A LOT went on inbetween that time but I don't have time to write about any of it...
We had an Irish wake back at the house (in honor of dad) so almost everyone at the funral came over for a few drinks an a bit of a big ol' party. Dad was a huge party person, so it's what he would have wanted.
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R. I. P Uncle Bob
Marg i dad's sister, and her husband Bob (uncle Bob) has been battling caner for 6 years and he was put in Paliative care before Dad passed. He and dad were really close, so when he heard about dad, he got really really upst and he was especially upset that he couldn't make it out for the wake. Bob passed Sunday, just one week after Dad... One thing is for sure; I will never forget October 2011...
We say, and honestly beliee that Bob just anted to be with dad, and now he is. We have even made a few jokes about how dad would greet him "Hey, Bob! I wasn't expecting you, so soon, but I've got a bit a lambs (rum) on the go, and I've got one waiting for ya", and how they will have their few drinks and a good time like they always did.
On quick last note: Ms. Starkes, the art teacher who is moreof a close friend and metnor to me than a teachr, stopped by the funeral home with Ms. Gillis, my homeroom teacher. My math teacher stopped by as well which was really sweet, and also, my beloved English teacher who is also more like a friend than just a teacher, Ms. Heneghan dropped by as well, so I know I will have evryone's help and support when I finally go back to school.
That's it for now...
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
...
Dad passed Sunday...
That's all i will really say about that. This is the hardest thing I will ever have to get through, so if I can get through this I can get through anything. We all bawled when it happened...
The one thing I keep in mind is that it is all for the best because he isn't suffering anymore. and he is in a much better place.
Tareasa, a friend of mom's and the family's spent the night Sunday and had a talk wit me... About how I had a special relationship with him that no one else (including my brother and even mom) had, and how it is especially hard for me... which it is.
Normally if I was going to or needed to talk to anyone about the whole cancer thing, I talked to dad himself, and dad confied in me. In fact I have always been that way with him. He even said to Tareasa that I was his best friend in the whole world.
(He did make that obvious to me as well fo those wondering)
She said the not only did he say I was his bstfriend but he also said that I was one of the most kind-hearted people he knew, and that I hada lot of empathy, and when she said that I added "which is rare" with surprise, and she nodded "It's very rare. He said it's like you put yoursel is his place and understood what he was saying and what he was going through... and you were the only one. He said that you would always put him before you and you were the one he could always go and talk to, confide in... and he did".
She also said that because of that, I was the one he was most worried about- for example, when he fell at her house because he was weak, he kept looking over at me because that was the one ting he was worried about, and he even told Tareasa that I was the one he worried about the most. Like I said, in everyway he and I were best friends.
Tareasa and I also talked abou what great of a man he was, and how words alone couldn't describe it. "He impacted a lot of people you know" she said as we were talking about all the friends he had... To be honest it was obvious that he did and you can tell by the amount of friends and kind of friends he has... The way people are reacting, and the amount and kind of friends and people who cared so much aout him that he had say a lot about him. When I said that to Tareasa the one response I got was "You're damn right it did".
"I hope I am lucky enough to end up being even half the man he was" I said, and then tareasa replied "You already are. You are and aways have been like your fathe in more ways than you can count, and you can count. You didn't think Anthony was the one who was like him did you?" We both laughed a bit at that one as she continued "Believe me you already are, and will continue to be. You are so much like him it's unbelievable. Trust me, so much of him lives on in you because you are just like him."
That is the biggest compliment anyone could ever have given me and the best one I ever have recieved by far. The best thing is that it must be true because she isn't the first to say it.
That's all i will really say about that. This is the hardest thing I will ever have to get through, so if I can get through this I can get through anything. We all bawled when it happened...
The one thing I keep in mind is that it is all for the best because he isn't suffering anymore. and he is in a much better place.
Tareasa, a friend of mom's and the family's spent the night Sunday and had a talk wit me... About how I had a special relationship with him that no one else (including my brother and even mom) had, and how it is especially hard for me... which it is.
Normally if I was going to or needed to talk to anyone about the whole cancer thing, I talked to dad himself, and dad confied in me. In fact I have always been that way with him. He even said to Tareasa that I was his best friend in the whole world.
(He did make that obvious to me as well fo those wondering)
She said the not only did he say I was his bstfriend but he also said that I was one of the most kind-hearted people he knew, and that I hada lot of empathy, and when she said that I added "which is rare" with surprise, and she nodded "It's very rare. He said it's like you put yoursel is his place and understood what he was saying and what he was going through... and you were the only one. He said that you would always put him before you and you were the one he could always go and talk to, confide in... and he did".
She also said that because of that, I was the one he was most worried about- for example, when he fell at her house because he was weak, he kept looking over at me because that was the one ting he was worried about, and he even told Tareasa that I was the one he worried about the most. Like I said, in everyway he and I were best friends.
Tareasa and I also talked abou what great of a man he was, and how words alone couldn't describe it. "He impacted a lot of people you know" she said as we were talking about all the friends he had... To be honest it was obvious that he did and you can tell by the amount of friends and kind of friends he has... The way people are reacting, and the amount and kind of friends and people who cared so much aout him that he had say a lot about him. When I said that to Tareasa the one response I got was "You're damn right it did".
"I hope I am lucky enough to end up being even half the man he was" I said, and then tareasa replied "You already are. You are and aways have been like your fathe in more ways than you can count, and you can count. You didn't think Anthony was the one who was like him did you?" We both laughed a bit at that one as she continued "Believe me you already are, and will continue to be. You are so much like him it's unbelievable. Trust me, so much of him lives on in you because you are just like him."
That is the biggest compliment anyone could ever have given me and the best one I ever have recieved by far. The best thing is that it must be true because she isn't the first to say it.
*********************
Today is a bit of a weird day... I am getting a lot of birthday wishes and condolences at the same time. I must be like my dad after all because the amount of friends (outside of the family) that have come out of the woodwork and said they are here for me are amazing. Thank god I have my family to help me through this. I am off now to get dress pants and a suit jacket and possible bithday shopping with my aunt.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Quick, brief update...
I don't post many REALLY personal things on this blog because I prefer to deal with certain things in a private, personal matter, and don't like the idea of broadcasting the full extent of my feelings and just what I am going through to everyone on the internet... because that's what family is for.
That's why I may SEEM almost emotion-less in some of the posts I write, and also why I haven't been writing much about my current situation.
Also it's a really hard subject to write about and I would rather not break down crying & bawling at my computer.
That being said, this post is just to give a quick update as to what is happening.
NOTE: I probably won't post anything about things my actual life/what I am doing for a pretty long while,but I will still post what I consider to be the bulk of my blog: random thoughts, art, and things I fin interesting and/or funny.
That's why I may SEEM almost emotion-less in some of the posts I write, and also why I haven't been writing much about my current situation.
Also it's a really hard subject to write about and I would rather not break down crying & bawling at my computer.
That being said, this post is just to give a quick update as to what is happening.
NOTE: I probably won't post anything about things my actual life/what I am doing for a pretty long while,but I will still post what I consider to be the bulk of my blog: random thoughts, art, and things I fin interesting and/or funny.
****************************
On Wednesday I found out that the doctor said dad could and would survive the stroke, but he would never really recover.
Our options were:
Full time care- he would have someone to take care of him all the time, be in a weelchair, probably be fed through a tube, and he wouldn't be able to be at home, etc...
Comfort care- akmost the same, except he would be in the hospital (probably), with an IV and would be able to actually eat... and it would be more "comfortable"
Palliative care: He would be kept in the hospital, with all of his meds. Meds for pain, agitaion, etc, to make sure he isn't in too mch/any extreme pain and/or discomfort, and then just let "nature take it's course".
At the meeting mom, Dick and Marg had with the doctors, the decision was made to go with Palliative care.
As hard as it is, it is the best choice because he would not want to be alive like that, under the conditions of the other choices, plus (more imporantly) that isn't living, it's just existing. He wouldn't be able to really live, he would just exist.
Also, even if we were foolish enough to choose one of the other options, the cancer would have continued to get worse and would have taken over completely, and the battle would be over in 1.5-2 months at the very most.
Needless to sa this is the hardest thing I have experienced and the hardest thing I will ever experience... So I will obviously need time, so my posts will be there, but you may detect a certain "absence" in them.
I would like to end this post by taking not of how the truest way to detect the real value and measure of a man is by the people who love him, how much people love him, and the effect he had on others.
Many times in my life I hve noticed these things about my dad, and it seems that almost anyone who has met/known him- even in the smallest way- has absolutely cherished and loved him,his friendship, and everything about him, and so many people have been positively effected by him... The amount of people that have come to see him is phenominal... and that is nothing compared to the people who have been asking and been shocked, etc. Not nearly everyone even knows about the sudden turn things have taken because it happened so soon, we have only been able to tell so many.
He is/has always been the best dad anyone could ever imagine, as well as a kind-hearted and wonderful person in every way. It warms my heart to see that so many feel the same way.
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