That's all i will really say about that. This is the hardest thing I will ever have to get through, so if I can get through this I can get through anything. We all bawled when it happened...
The one thing I keep in mind is that it is all for the best because he isn't suffering anymore. and he is in a much better place.
Tareasa, a friend of mom's and the family's spent the night Sunday and had a talk wit me... About how I had a special relationship with him that no one else (including my brother and even mom) had, and how it is especially hard for me... which it is.
Normally if I was going to or needed to talk to anyone about the whole cancer thing, I talked to dad himself, and dad confied in me. In fact I have always been that way with him. He even said to Tareasa that I was his best friend in the whole world.
(He did make that obvious to me as well fo those wondering)
She said the not only did he say I was his bstfriend but he also said that I was one of the most kind-hearted people he knew, and that I hada lot of empathy, and when she said that I added "which is rare" with surprise, and she nodded "It's very rare. He said it's like you put yoursel is his place and understood what he was saying and what he was going through... and you were the only one. He said that you would always put him before you and you were the one he could always go and talk to, confide in... and he did".
She also said that because of that, I was the one he was most worried about- for example, when he fell at her house because he was weak, he kept looking over at me because that was the one ting he was worried about, and he even told Tareasa that I was the one he worried about the most. Like I said, in everyway he and I were best friends.
Tareasa and I also talked abou what great of a man he was, and how words alone couldn't describe it. "He impacted a lot of people you know" she said as we were talking about all the friends he had... To be honest it was obvious that he did and you can tell by the amount of friends and kind of friends he has... The way people are reacting, and the amount and kind of friends and people who cared so much aout him that he had say a lot about him. When I said that to Tareasa the one response I got was "You're damn right it did".
"I hope I am lucky enough to end up being even half the man he was" I said, and then tareasa replied "You already are. You are and aways have been like your fathe in more ways than you can count, and you can count. You didn't think Anthony was the one who was like him did you?" We both laughed a bit at that one as she continued "Believe me you already are, and will continue to be. You are so much like him it's unbelievable. Trust me, so much of him lives on in you because you are just like him."
That is the biggest compliment anyone could ever have given me and the best one I ever have recieved by far. The best thing is that it must be true because she isn't the first to say it.
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Today is a bit of a weird day... I am getting a lot of birthday wishes and condolences at the same time. I must be like my dad after all because the amount of friends (outside of the family) that have come out of the woodwork and said they are here for me are amazing. Thank god I have my family to help me through this. I am off now to get dress pants and a suit jacket and possible bithday shopping with my aunt.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you've got so many good memories to remember him by. You living your good life will be a great testimony to him, by showing the success he had in raising a fine son.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences Greg. The point about it being for the best is well taken. It is so hard to see a loved one suffering that even death can seem to be the best thing for them. I hope I never have to go through such a thing myself but I know what my dad's wishes are if he were to be in a terminal state and it makes sense to me. Why prolong suffering when there is no chance of recovery?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm sure part of him will continue to live on through you both now as you help your family through this time and later on as make your own way in the world.
Hugs,
Evan
Greg,
ReplyDeleteI read of your loss over at Amar's blog and just finished reading your post. What a wonderful, close, loving relationship you had with your dad. It sounds like he understood what a special person you are (which I know from reading your comments to Amar).
My condolences to you and your family. Nothing can replace him but his memory lives on in your heart even as his pain is ended. That is the blessing of this terrible loss.
Hugs,
Doug