Sorry I haven't been around

But here is why...

I hate 2011… Dad died on october 9th due to cancer, Uncle Bob died exactly a week later also due to cancer… I’m still dealing with the tail end of 2011 though because just when I thought all  the devestating events were over, the last thing I ever would have expected happened.

Out of nowhere, nan died on December 29th. She was my best friend and I was so close to her, and also, she helped me so much with dad’s death and honestly she wasn’t sick or anything, she was so lively and fun, and we all thought she was going to live to be 90 or so (she was 76) and I just can’t believe it. It was so sudden.

Like I said, she wasn’t sick or anything and she was her happy, fun self. One minute she is upstairs with us having a laugh with me, mom, and some 2 of her and mom’s friends.

Then she said she was going downstairs (she lived in our basement appartment) with her baby, her little puppy we gave her in early november for Christmas who she loved unconditionally. Mom asked if she would be up to watch Cornation Street later and she said that she probably would be, so she went downstairs and moms friends left.

20 minutes later mom realized that cornation street was going to be on in 15-20 minutes, so she called downstair to see if nan was coming up and my uncle Terry who is home for christmas answered the phone and said she was in the bathroom. Then, 5 minutes later, Mom heard Terry calling out from downstairs that nan was passed out on the bathroom floor.

Mom started doing CPR on her while Terry called the paramedics and then the rest of their siblings and my brother texted me to “get home NOW” which caused my heart to sink because the last time a text like that was sent, it was to my brother when dad had the stroke (exactly 1 week before he died).

Anyway long story short, the only thing it could have been was a (very sudden) massive heart attack.

I honestly can’t believe it and it just doesn’t feel real.

I’ve spent all day at her wake and am going back in about half an hour. Then again tomorrow and her funeral is Wednesday.

I haven’t even gone over to her casquette yet and I’ve already bawled my eyes out AGAIN. This is just too much. Dad and nan were 2 of the most important people in my life and honestly, since dad has been gone these few months, nan was the main one keeping us sane (mainly mom because whenever she needed to vent or rant about me and my brother, that’s where she went) and now we’re all screwed…

Anyway it is really going to hit me tomorrow because Tuesday was always our day. I would always randomly drop down as well, and we would always randomly hang out and stuff, but ever Tuesday night at 9:30, I was down to nans with her,  on her bed to watch glee (or whatever else was  on if that wasn’t). My aunt said that nan said that was her favorite part of the day. She also said she couldn’t be happier because she got the puppy she wanted and that even at 17 I still loved spending time with her and our relationship hasn’t changed and that she was really lucky.

She often told me I was her favourite grandchild which she never needed to because I knew it anyway because she really showed it, but I loved her so much and she loved me so much…

This isn’t supposed to be about our relationship and stuff, it’s just supposed to be letting you know what happened incase anyone is wondering, so I will stop now.